"My boss just doesn't get me."
"If my spouse would only listen to me, everything would be better."
"I'd love to tell her how I really feel, but I'm afraid to."

Ever have any of those thoughts running through your head? One of the biggest keys to living a successful life is to communicate effectively. George Bernard Shaw describes a common misconception beautifully: "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place." And this thought reminds us that we're not always as good at communication as we like to think we are.

There are two critical aspects to communicating effectively:
1) Listen to the other person and hear their perspective
2) Clearly communicate your own thoughts
And it goes in that order, too. You may be familiar with Stephen Covey's Habit Five: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood.

1) Listen to the other person
Let's say you are angry with a co-worker who dropped the ball on a project. You barge into their office and tell them how disappointed you are. They become defensive, angry, and hurt.

What if you would have asked them first if everything was okay? You might have learned that their child is at home and very ill, and because of that, they have been forgetting to take care of some important things at work…and they feel terrible. They apologize for not coming to you first and telling you.

It's surprising what we might learn if we simply ask first and listen. And, once you allow the other person to "empty their cup" first, they are in a much better state to listen to what you might have to say.

2) Clearly communicate your thoughts
As important as it is to really "hear" someone else, it's equally important that you clearly express your thoughts. But obviously you can't express your thoughts if you haven't formulated them in your own mind. It's of utmost importance to know who you are and where you stand. If you are wishy-washy on the fundamentals, there isn't much (of substance) to talk about! So be clear.

You may notice that others will listen to you better and take you more seriously when you communicate clearly and confidently!

Also remember that everyone comes from a different perspective in life, and we will each communicate directly from that perspective. If you grew up in a very poor neighborhood and your family struggled to put food on the table, and the person you are discussing company politics with came from a very financially wealthy family and never thought twice about having enough money…you are both coming from vastly different perspectives. Neither perspective is right or wrong, good or bad. They simply are what they are. And for both of you, they are your "truths." Your perspective is what's real for you, and everyone else's individual perspective is what's real for them.

So remember when communicating, we're each coming from a different place in life. It's important to respect that. And the best way to do that is to listen to the other person first; find out where they're coming from to better understand them. Always keep that old saying in mind: "We were given two ears and one mouth for a reason!"

Communication is everywhere. I'll never forget when my college speech professor said in class: "You cannot not communicate!" Everything you say or do communicates something about you.

So how is it that you want to be recognized throughout your world? Think about what you would like your words and actions to say about you. Then decide what you need to do to be a more effective communicator—both in listening to others and also in making your presence known to the world.

Do this and watch your relationship with others flourish!

Sign-up now for an Ultimate Living Jump-Start to polish your communications skills and enhance your relationships!

Michelle Stimpson is a Personal Success Coach who works with her clients to be their best and create outstanding lives…and close the gap between where they are now and where they want to be.

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